A Province in France

Nature Hikes

2008-03-14T14:20:00.004-04:00

Ah, the silly hats we subject our daughter to...oh well, she loves it!

The past few weeks we've been trying to spend more time outdoors as a family, and Vi loves it. Last night we took a little after-dinner stroll, partly for exercise, and partly because the evening air is good for Vi's breathing because she's getting over a bout with croup. It was the perfect evening. Everyone on High St. was out walking, shopping, and eating. We went up to a local ice cream place that carries tons of unique flavors. Nick actually had ice cream that was bourbon-flavored, and I got cheesecake/brownie/blondie ( I didn't get anything too weird since I was sharing with Viola!) We had such a sweet time hanging out. When we got back, Viola wanted to be outside longer so she scampered around the yard until it got too dark to be out. She usually really protests coming inside, but she actually came in without a fight.

It's sort of ironic that now that we're in the most urban setting we've ever been in, we can spend time outside more easily, especially with Viola. Our first house in Louisville was on a busy street with no sidewalks, and we had a great yard, but it wasn't fenced in. Then when we moved to the farmhouse and Vi was of crawling/early walking age, the property had a slight snake infestation (copperheads and rat snakes) due to construction, so we didn't hang outside too much, and again, no sidewalks. After that we moved in with friends with a great yard but who decided to raise some urban chickens who pooed on everything, rendering the yard unfit for Viola to play in. So here we are now, with a quaint little fenced yard, in a neighborhood with sidewalks and just blocks from the park. We love it!

Being outside more has made me think of my love for the plant and growth imagery in the Bible. Scripture that describes our spiritual lives using plants or trees always resonates with me because it simply makes sense. I've been studying John 15, and I love how it begins with the "vine" imagery. Christ in the true vine, and the Father is the vinedresser. We are the branches, by nature barren and dry, and we need to be grafted into Christ to draw from His power and life. The more we abide in Christ, the more we bear fruit and bring glory to God. We essentially feed off of Christ and receive nourishment from Him--He's our sunlight, our water, our soil, our everything. When we don't abide in Him we become limp and wither. Ah, John 15 is such an accurate and easy-to-understand picture of the Christian life.

What's also interesting is how being married to Nick has increased my love for the outdoors. He is the ultimate backpacking and outdoor adventurer who stoops down to my level of adventure to go on walks in the neighborhood :) It's funny how I grew up on a farm but had little appreciation for the outdoors, and now I live in the city and love to be outside. It makes absolutely no sense.

Hodge Podge

2008-02-21T16:27:00.002-05:00

It's been a long time since I've posted so here's a bit of a hodge podge about what I've been doing, what I'm learning, etc.

First of all, we're still loving being here in Columbus, although I'm looking forward to spring when more people are out and about and we can go on walks together. The fabulous thing about where we live is that we're close to so much we can walk in the winter too because it's just two blocks to the cafe, a block to the dentist, three blocks to Donato's Pizza ( a great benefit!), and so on.

The church plant...hmmm, well church planting is an adventure. It's one thing to read about it being one and another to experience it first hand. But let me be clear, we do not regret our decision to church plant and we are here for the long haul (Lord-willing of course!) One of the things we've been discouraged by is how resistant some believers are toward church planting. It's partially not their fault. It's something they've never done, they don't know much about it, and so it's scary to them. That makes sense. But ignorance is not bliss! Read up, my friends, and see how the Lord is using church planting across the world in AMAZING ways! Anyway, Nick and I wrote a blog in response to the negative feelings many have toward church planting, and it's posted on our church's website if you want to check it out.

One of the hard things about living in a low-kid population area is that poor Viola currently has few playmates. It's really sad. We find ourselves taking her to the play place at the mall just to interact with some other kiddos. This is also an area we need prayer in, for both us and Viola, that we would meet some more families with kids somehow. So far my attempts to find a playgroup nearby have failed, so that has been discouraging. But alas, the Lord is good and I know He'll provide in this area in His perfect timing.

Speaking of sweet Viola, she's just amazing. Despite having few playmates now, when she is around other kids, she plays really well and is really sweet, patient and aware of those around her. She does amazing things every day. We discovered the other day she can count to 5, and this is something we haven't directly been trying to teach her. She's also solidifying her recognition of colors, and she about has red, blue, yellow, and green down pat, thanks to Playdoh. Another way she's surprised us is that she's catching on to potty training and has used the potty about ten times or so. How cool is that?! She's great, not just because she's a genius (sorry I'm in beaming, bragging mama mode!) but she's also so playful,ornery, and affectionate too. One of her favorite things to do now is "feed" her little sister (who's in utero) crackers and give her water and milk to drink by holding these things up to my ever-bulging tum.

One of the awesome things Viola's also doing now is she's taking super-long naps which means I get to be more productive than normal, which is why I got to write this blog. So there's my hodge podge. I think next time I'll be writing about prayer because the Lord's been teaching Nick and I a lot about it through planting the church.

Vi, A Big Sister

2007-12-17T21:46:00.000-05:00

Viola is going to be a big sister, Lord willing, around the end of May! Today was so sweet because it was the first day she really grasped this fact. We've been pointing to my belly for weeks and telling her there was a baby inside. I recall one time when we were in Louisville at a friend's, I pointed to Sarah's belly (an 8 month pregnant belly) and said "Baby" and my own and said "Baby." She repeated and seemed to understand, until she pointed to Kristin's boob and said "Baby!" That's when I had to admit, reluctantly, that she didn't get it yet.

But today, she repeatedly asked to "see" the baby, lifting up my shirt to see my swelling belly. She would then say "baby" so sweetly, hug my belly, and then give it a big, wet, sloppy kiss! It was SO cute. I think just seeing her love for her unborn sibling makes me cherish both her and the baby even more.

Lessons in Place

2007-11-20T11:55:00.000-05:00

Viola in Front of my Parents' Farmhouse

Home! I can't believe we're back in Ohio. There is something satisfyingly haunting about this place. I can resonate with Karin of Over the Rhine singing in her smoky, lingering voice, "I know Ohio...like the back of my hand." In my mind, there is an internal conflict concerning being so close to places and people I'm familiar with. I remember the excitement of moving to Louisville, a place where I could go away from it all, and rediscover the Lord and myself. There, I could get a fresh start, I thought. But it was there that I learned both the importance and unimportance of place.

I learned from the Lord, that no matter where I am, He is also. Simple enough on the surface, but I learned that moving away physically did not move me away from my past figuratively, but that God gave me the past I have to mold me for His glory. I also learned there is little value in reinventing myself if my transformation is not focused on inward transformation foremost, specifically gospel transformation. In these things, physical place is of little importance.

However, in Louisville, I encountered many Louisvillians who are proud of the physical place they're from. They found value in their roots and loved being integrated into the rich culture that described their home city. I remember people being excited when I told them I grew up on a beef farm and how I found that perplexing! I didn't know that was cool. Through fellowship with other women, I engaged in many conversations about how our families celebrated holidays, how our parents disciplined us, and the depth of our relationships with our siblings. Through these things, I felt the Lord welling up in my heart a deeper love for my hometown, my state, my family, and my childhood friends. I'm so glad the Lord started a work in me in these areas to which I'd been numb because He was preparing me to come back.

I'm pretty sure Ohio's not "cool" in the eyes of many Americans. When we told some we were moving back here instead of to Seattle, I gathered that more than a few thought it was a cop out to be closer to free babysitting. But, no, my friends. We are back because we were led back...to the place we know like the back of our hands.

The Story Behind the Name

2007-05-31T20:37:00.000-04:00

The summer after my senior year of high school, in the midst of preparing to attend the prestigious Wright State University (You haven't heard of it? It's in Dayton, Ohio) I worked at some caverns near my house. "Near" when you live in the country means within an hour of your home, in case you were wondering. In the case of these caverns, they were about 35 minutes from my house. They were, and still are, truly stunning. The other staff were mostly college students working on their summers home, and a few high school students or recent grads. There was one exception though...an older, graying gentleman by the name of Paul. Paul had a youthful side to him though--He drove a brand-new silver Rav4 with vanity plates. And there is one main reason that Paul is awesome: He was the first person to find beauty, elegance, history and rich culture in my name. Every time he addressed me, I was "Brittany: A Province in France." He would always become animated, pronouncing the words with flair but not quite attempting a French accent. In the middle of days spent trying to get the lighter to work so I could burn trash, giving tours to snide bikers or rebellious children, and trimming grass away from the walk with scissors, you can bet that put a smile on my face.

So Paul, if you're out there, thanks man. Thanks for setting me apart from Britney Spears and the other thousands of bubblegum pink teeny boppers named Brittany that spell it incorrectly. Thanks for restoring my name to its original beauty.

Long Time, No Blog

2007-05-19T22:29:00.001-04:00

I am so glad that summer's here...the air's getting warmer, the Copperheads are a-bitin' (there's a story behind that one), steaks are on the grill, produce just tastes better, I can no longer make up excuses for not going running...the benefits of summer are endless.

Not too much is new here. Construction continues at the farm, and the place changes so much every day. Nick finished his semester and is going to be done in December! Yes, THIS DECEMBER! I am so ready for him to be done. And Viola does new things every day...she says "Uh-oh!" like it's her job and is already working on furthering her vocabularical skills. She likes to wave at everyone in Target and tries to stand up in the cart even while strapped in. The little energy ball crawls everywhere and likes to eat dirt and coffee grounds off the floor...but despite her little mishaps she can't help but become even more adorable every single day. I can't believe she's nearing her first birthday! I could go on and on about all the amazing things she can do now, but just know that my unbiased opinion is that she is the prettiest and smartest little girl you'd ever want to meet.

I'm not sure if anyone even looks at this anymore, but I do hope to keep this updated better in the future...

Being Honest or Being Holy?

2007-02-26T15:41:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been reading 'Out of the Saltshaker and into the World' by Rebecca Manley Pippert. I chose to read it because it's about evangelism, which is something I want to embrace as more of a lifestyle than an event. In high school and college, I was involved with evangelism "events" of all sorts, but lately I feel the Lord wants me to glorify Him by being evangelistic in my everyday life.

I had my qualms about reading this book, since the cover is quite seventies-ish (got my copy at a used bookstore--copyright 1979, baby!) And I get the point about the title, but I thought it was kind of cheesy. Yet I've heard people rave about it, especially in seminary circles, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. I'm so glad I did!

At the end of the first chapter, Pippert put into words a thought that's been tumbling around in my brain for a couple of years now. All I'd been able to process about this vague thought had been that I was feeling uneasy about how cool it is in our culture, and even in the Christian sub-culture, to be "real." You know, like the J-Lo song, the reality TV shows, the t-shirts that label people as being brats, or spoiled, or what have you. Now, I don't really have a problem with J-Lo, or reality TV, or people who want to be called brats, because I see the point of this way of thinking. I cherish honesty far above many traits. I would rather be smacked in the face with honesty than lied to, honestly. One of the most endearing traits my husband has is that he can't help but be honest 100% of the time. But, in the Christian life in particular I've had a sinking feeling that I'm missing something if honesty is such a huge part of what it's all about. Being real. Being up front. Putting yourself out there. Being open. These are not bad things, but they are not everything.

In the book, Pippert shares about how her transparency with a friend was a huge factor in how her friend came to saving faith in Christ. However, she says that we should not put being transparent on such a pedestal that we condone the sin of others. Instead, understanding is key, but the Bible doesn't just tell us to be open with others about our sin. It says to repent of it, as our sin is like filthy rags before the Father.

To further her point, Pippert says "I am not suggesting we share our weaknesses as if we were in a "competitive sinning" match in order to be real. Sin isn't God's brand of humanity: perfect obedience is. But so is humble confession when we fail. So our goal must be to live within the balance of aiming for perfect obedience and complete openness."

Well said.

Our Viola

2007-02-25T19:59:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted, but I couldn't resist showing the world some updated photos of our little love. Here she is out on our porch, reaching for the nearest object to put into her mouth, of course.

And here she is in her yellow dress, enjoying the sunshine coming through the window on a snowy day!

A Tale of Two Houses

2006-10-06T11:45:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, we’ve been trying to sell our house now for about fifteen months. I say fifteen because it’s been so long we’re not really sure how long it’s been, so we say fifteen. It’s been a long and arduous process that we wouldn’t wish on anyone. I wish I could write and tell you that Nick and I were able to totally trust God to sell our house, and we endured this difficult time with nothing but patience and perseverance. But alas, deep down we constantly lost faith in His ability to sell it, and became spiritually, emotionally, and financially drained by the entire process. Prayers for God to sell our house turned into incessant begging with hearts that often didn’t believe the Lord could do what we were asking of Him. After all, our house is in the wrong neighborhood, lacks proper fencing, is on a noisy street, and the basement ceiling is just too low. But, as the Scripture says, with God all things are possible, and our house has finally SOLD!

But wait, there’s more! Our house selling alone is indeed something to be celebrated—but the Lord in His grace has blessed us with a huge blessing at just the right time concerning where we will live next.

A couple of Wednesdays ago, Nick’s employer (a commercial real estate executive) told him about a property they had purchased. It included 50 acres of land, on which stands an old, gorgeous, historical farmhouse. They plan to build apartments on the land, but want to keep the farmhouse intact to turn into the clubhouse for the apartments. However, they had qualms about leaving the farmhouse sit for a year or longer, afraid that vandals would have their way with it and that there would be plumbing problems if the pipes weren’t used for awhile. So—this is amazing—they asked us to live in it until the apartments have neared completion—for FREE! (up to 3 years)

We were elated when we learned of the possibility that we could live there. But at that time, we still had to sell our house. Well, the very day afterward, a couple of construction contractors came and looked at our house. The day after that, we signed a contract with them. In less than a week, we will close on our house. Talk about God’s timing!

Now it seems that all that time spent trying to sell our house was well worth it. We remember at times saying to each other “God must be preparing the perfect place for us to live next since this seems to be taking FOREVER!” He was indeed. One of the uncountable things that we love about our Lord is that He blesses His people when they are so far from deserving anything good. We do not deserve this blessing—we have so much to learn about being wiser with our finances, being patient, and persevering, but still the Lord, in an outpouring of His grace, has blessed us in this and many other ways we don’t deserve. In just the past couple of years, the Lord has blessed us with a beautiful and healthy daughter, free seminary tuition for Nick, a free car, a free motorcycle and helmets, a caring church community and incredible friends and family, and I’m honestly probably forgetting something right now.

So if anything, we hope that you’re encouraged by this testimony of God’s provision in our lives. If you are in a season of need, know that our Lord knows your needs and can provide for them in immensely bigger ways than you can ever imagine.

We will be moving on October 12th, so if you live in the area and can help us move, please come and celebrate this blessing with us!

Viola means "Lovely Lady"

2006-08-03T14:09:00.000-04:00

A Baby Story

2006-08-03T14:04:00.000-04:00

Viola Mason Nye was born Thursday, July 13, at 8:07am. She was "supposed" to be a boy--ultrasounds can be wrong! She weighs 8 lbs. 7 oz. and is 22 inches long and has a full head of dark brown hair! Below is the story of her birth. I hope you enjoy it! Pics can be found on Nick's blog. I'll put some on here when I remember how :)

On Wednesday, July 12, the day I predicted Viola would be born, I woke up at 5am with mild cramping and questioned whether or not I was having contractions. I began to time them, and after having four at regular intervals, I woke Nick up. Pretty soon they were occuring every five minutes. I called my midwife, and she advised me to take a shower, and if the contractions became more intense, to come into the hospital. Well, the contractions weakened, and after 10am I was only having about one an hour. I became incredibly discouraged, as I knew my family was already on their way down to Louisville. I was afraid they'd make the long trip and I wouldn't go into active labor. Obviously, the biggest discouragement was that I knew I'd have to be patient and wait for the baby to come when she was ready.

My mom, dad, and sister came down in the early afternoon and helped keep me distracted. We went on a long walk in the park, went grocery shopping, and watched Miss Congeniality 2. We went to bed, and Nick and I prayed for the baby to come soon. I was having difficulty sleeping, and personally prayed that I would have intense contractions 5 mins. apart, my water would break, or that I could get a good night's sleep. Well around 11:00, the contractions started again. Wanting to be sure, I started timing them myself, and as they grew intense, I woke up Nick. We slept with a spreadsheet between us Nick had made the morning before to track my contractions. We tried to sleep between them, and Nick haphazardly scrawled the information on the sheet. By 3:00 am I took a shower and walked around to see if their intensity changed, and as they grew closer together, we contacted the midwife and threw our things in the van to head to the hospital. In the dark and rainy night, my dad helped me to the van and we drove to the hospital.

We checked in, and I was examined. The nurses were delighted to tell me that I was already 8-9 cm dilated and I would have the baby in just a few hours. What a relief! I got my gown on and walked into the labor and delivery room. In between contractions, I got to eat popsicles and ice chips, and tried to remain relaxed during my contractions. Nick was an amazing coach and my greatest source of verbal encouragement during this time. We tried to remember all we had learned in our natural childbirth class so that I could have an epidural-free birth, and that really paid off.

When my midwife arrived, she checked me and pretty soon she asked me to push. The baby was still fairly far up the birth canal, and I hadn't dilated anymore. Therefore, she asked me to labor on my side for about an hour, which was quite possibly the most difficult part of the birth. I had an overwhelming urge to push and was pretty uncomfortable to say the least. After the birth, my arms and back muscles ached because during this time I was gripping the side of the hospital bed for dear life! However, laying on my side helped move her down the canal, and her arrival was very near!

My midwife came back in and pretty soon I was pushing again. By this time, my family had arrived at the hospital, and along with the nurses and Nick, they offered tons of encouragement and support. It helped immensely to know how close the baby was to coming. In addition, they informed me that the baby had a full head of dark hair! This made me want to push like a crazy woman so I could see her, who I thought was a him :) The final pushes were not easy, but at that point I think I could've done almost anything to see my little one! And at last, she was here! Nick shouted, "Honey, he's here!" Then the nurse promptly opened up our baby's legs and said "It's a she!" Wow. We were totally surprised, although I must say that in that at the moment, I was just glad the baby was out of me, and that SHE was okay.

Over the past couple weeks we've really enjoyed getting to know all of Viola's quirks. She loves her hands, and always has to have them close to her mouth so she can suck on her fists. So far, she can make noises that sound like a goat, and chimpanzee, and a wildcat. She smiles a lot in her sleep and has a signature "grumpy old man" face when she's thinking really hard, or just making a mess in her pants! She also LOVES having her hair washed but hates having her clothes changed. I know I'm biased, but I think she has a ton of personality and will continue to surprise us in the years to come!

Confidently Counter-Cultural

2006-07-01T09:48:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my last day of work. The place where I worked was pretty great--my bosses, co-workers, my job doing editorial work, etc., all of it. I've wanted to be a full-time wife and mother pretty much my whole life, but I felt myself becoming apprehensive about my last day. As I continued to reflect on the possibilities of why I felt hesitant instead of joyful, I realized I cared way too much what others thought of me.

This discovery isn't much of anything new or surprising. I've struggled with people-pleasing for an eternity, and this is just one more way my desire to please others has fleshed itself out in my life. I'm blessed to have family and friends that support my decision to be a stay-at-home mom, and those people are my ultimate support system. So why was I so quick to listen to comments other people at work made concerning my decision? Why was I so quick to read into their facial expressions, particularly their questioning eyes, that inquired- "How in the world can you stay home when your husband's still in grad school?" and "Why would you want to stay home? That's boring." My favorite question was verbal "So, you're just going to be a stay-at-home mom?" like I'm going to be sitting on the couch eating ice cream and watching Oprah all day instead of being a caring, diapering, comforting, nursing, cleaning, errand-running, Christ-loving, husband-loving, baby-loving mom. The word JUST packs a punch in that one.

But through all the comments and implied comments, I didn't really feel angry towards these people, because they are a product of our culture, a culture that generally doesn't value stay-at-home motherhood. And also I realized I need to work on my response to people I disagree with, and be confidently counter-cultural. I especially need to develop thicker skin, as it seems like the Lord continues to call Nick and I to do things that are not culturally acceptable. I want to be tough, yet have a tender heart, and I know that is something only Christ can do in me.

Head Butts & Minivans

2006-06-16T20:25:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time, yet again, since I've written. It seems that all my Internet time lately has been spent looking for the perfect baby sling and diaper snappis, and reading reviews upon reviews on baby accessories. Ah, the plight of a mother-to-be! But what a sweet plight it is.

My midwife told me today words that are both encouraging and little bit scary--I'm now at the point in my pregnancy where I can go into labor and they wouldn't try to stop it because the dear little babe is ready to come out anytime now! I'm still 3.5 weeks away from the magic date though, and being the realist that I am, I'm expecting to be late. So we'll see about that.

Lately the little guy's favorite thing is to head butt me at the spot where my huge belly bulge and right hip joint meet. It's uncomfortable, but the way I see it, it's just another indication that he's a healthy baby, and proud of it. We can't wait until he gets here.

There are so many preparations to still be made, but they're mostly minor. It's so easy to get caught up in the details and all the baby stuff that's out there, but the Lord is constantly reminding us that it is He that ultimately equips and prepares us for parenthood, and we continue to be reminded of his provision. One recent sign of this is our purchase of a minivan! I can't believe we drive a reliable car now. Amazing. I do miss the Volvo though, Mr. Belvedere Stealth Bomber. He had a lot of character. Naming the minivan is another story, as a silver minivan has much less character than an old Swedish car. But at least the baby is named!

Who knows, by the next time I write, I might actually be a mama.

What's In a Name?

2006-04-27T11:35:00.000-04:00

Naming someone whom you've never met is a difficult task. However, it's very important. It's a huge privilege to grow a child in your tummy, and then actually name it. It's almost as huge as Adam's role in naming the animals. That's why thinking up baby names is a very important task.

Right now you are probably thinking of some people you know whose parents didn't really think that naming them was that important. That person's name might be Robbie Roberts or the fraternal twins, Male (Molly) and Female (Fe-molly). (Note: These twins actually exist, according to our previous pastor's wife, so hopefully she's not lying)

There are several factors one must take into consideration when naming a child. Some are probably true for everyone and some are just my own preferences. You can try to figure out which are which.

1. You cannot name your child the same name as someone else in your immediate or extended (2nd cousins and beyond may not count) family, unless it's a "Jr."

2. The child's first and last name should probably not rhyme. They will sound like a storybook character or something.

3. Unique names are okay, but overly unique names usually equal teasing at recess.

4. Bobs, Toms, and Tims everywhere have requested that no one ever be named their names ever again. There are just too many of them.

5. Middle names are just as important as first names even though they're used less often. Maybe that's why I haven't given into the middle name Nick has picked out just yet.

Are there any additions to the list? I've got to get back to work.

What I Didn't Miss About TV

2006-03-13T19:56:00.000-05:00

On the eve of our church's Cultivate Beauty (formerly also dubbed Kill Your TV) month, Nick and I got a deal on a TV. For the first time in two years of marriage, a silent invader perches in our midst. It has been purposely placed in a frame of bookshelves packed with books. It's not too large, and our main reason for getting it is to make movie-watching a less strenuous experience--we were getting tired of watching flicks on our laptop and getting everything set up for the big event. Also, we can have friends over to enjoy films with us.

In the couple of weeks we've had it, we've caught bits and pieces of several sitcoms and other shows. In many ways, I haven't been impressed. The one-liners, canned laughter, and commercials every 5 minutes get really old. We've been spoiled by watching episodes of Alias and Lost on DVD, with no interruptions and the ability to pause it for water breaks. I really do think that TV can give one ADD--it grabs your attention, leaves you hanging, and in your antsiness you walk in circles and console yourself with junk food. That really can't be good for you.

So, this past weekend, we resorted to watching about 8 episodes of Lost, uninterrupted. I'm pretty sure that was unhealthy too. But it was a lot more fun!

What I'm Reading...

2006-01-09T19:45:00.000-05:00

Today I'm at a loss for words anywhere near profound. I haven't blogged in so long so it's doubtful I have much of a blossoming readership. Anyway, I just feel like listing the books I've been reading.

The Book of Job from the chronological Bible

A Chance to Die (the life of Amy Carmichael) by Elisabeth Elliot
-Her life is a beautiful one to learn from - a woman missionary to India decades ago

What to Expect When You're Expecting (I'm on month four :)
-Helpful hint: When prego, stand at least twenty inches away from microwaves. Question: Who stands closer than that anyway?

Rain in Oxford

2005-12-03T11:25:00.000-05:00

I'm currently sitting at a hotel room desk in Oxford, MS, on my blog for the first time in weeks! The fun thing about hotels is that when you don't own a TV it's such a treat to be able to watch it and not feel guilty about it since you don't watch it at all usually. AND I get to watch TLC. Ah, pure joy.

Nick and I are in town for the wedding of Laura Beth and Alex, which starts in just a few hours! I love weddings, especially when they unite two of the sweetest, creative, and dynamic people you know. Yes, Nick and I are big fans of LB and Alex.

Welp, I don't really have a lot to say, this is more of a note to remind you that I'm still alive. More to come next time I have internet access!

His Unmerited Favor

2005-10-29T13:35:00.000-04:00

After an arduous, stressful, and eye-opening divorce from my prior job, the Lord has brought a variety of things to light in my life. Some are beautiful, some are ugly, and some are in-between. But what it all comes down to is the fact that I feel I have God's unmerited favor. Looking back at the past year of my life, I can honestly say that it is not because of my good works, pure heart, or godly attitude that I've been blessed by God. Not to say that those things don't matter to God, because they do. They really do. But some blessings just aren't earned. They were bought with a price on the cross of Christ, and through some queer transaction, have fallen into my life, infusing it with joy.

My new job isn't perfect, but it almost is. I definitely don't deserve it. I actually have no idea how I was hired, considering how I blubbered in answering questions, blushed uncontrollably while searching for the correct answers, and forgot the names of my interviewers. By his grace, everyday I work I read about all kinds of subjects-philosophy, photography, BMX racing, travel, and law, and then I write about them. The office I work in is as quiet as a library, my boss listens and cares when I have questions, and my co-workers are kind. It's unreal, and for that I feel incredibly blessed.

For the past year of transition we've encountered, I have seen God's hand, but not quite as clearly as now. Now in the midst of fall, things are strangely beginning to bloom. Dead leaves are turning green before falling off the tree, and clinging there with hope. Relationships are meaningful again. I'm actually re-learning how to be a godly wife again. And as God pulls me nearer to Him, I feel at peace knowing my God is one who gives unmerited favor.

Vulnerability and Silence

2005-10-22T09:23:00.000-04:00

Maybe it all started with J-Lo, this love for being real or vulnerable. Or maybe it was reality TV. But no matter how it started, you cannot deny that these days, it's cool to be "real." I think that scripture in many ways conveys this message--there is a theme throughout of being honest, seeking truth, and being vulnerable with the Lord and in appropriate settings, other people.

I hope to write a book one day, but I tell ya, lately I've been pretty uninspired. But when I do write one, if it's a genre that allows for personal antidotes and reflections, I hope I can be vulnerable with my readers. However, you can be sure, there are little "pearls" of information you'll never find in my books. This is because I will never share the deepest intimacies of my relationship with my husband or other memories that I hold closest to my heart. There are certain details that should only be shared with the Lord and maybe a family member or other special person in your life. If I put all my personal stuff out on the line, for me it's the equivalent of "throwing my pearls to swine." I hope my readers won't be swine, but that's beside the point.

I write this to discourage others from being vulnerable with every cowpoke they meet. Spilling your guts isn't as respectable as using discretion regarding what you share, how much you share, and with whom.

My dad is a quite, wise, and godly person. He once quoted my grandpa as saying "I'd rather be silent and store up wise words to share than an idiot always running my mouth."

Thanks, Dad.

Deep Red Embarassment

2005-09-26T20:05:00.000-04:00

Blushing is somewhat of a curse. If you are a blusher, you would know what I'm talking about. Somewhere at your core, something sizzles. Then it seeps through once-blue veins, tingling your toes, tingling your fingers, then the tip of your nose. There you sit, a 20-something who by many standards is an adult, blushing like an idiot. And you canNOT hide blushing.

It could be because someone saw you tear up, because you stumbled over your words, or because you're in an interview and can't think of the slightest intelligent answer for the question you were just asked. Those are the reasons that I blush.

But sometimes I try to think of myself as sorta holy because I blush. You know, because it makes me look really humble and innocent and stuff. The thing is, I don't think anyone else thinks of me that way--they probably think I'm just shy! Plus, I don't remember reading any scripture about redness=holiness. That's just not how it is.

I have to say though, I'd almost rather feel anything else than embarassment. I guess that just makes me prideful? Or maybe just normal...you decide.

Secret Confessions of a Childhood Bookworm

2005-09-17T12:11:00.000-04:00

I am the kid who grew up on a farm and hasn't the slightest ability to identify pieces of farm machinery. I am the kid who would go outside to read for a bit and then jump up and go inside where the bugs wouldn't distract me from my reading.

I write this blog so you may get an honest picture of me. A love for the outdoors has captured me only recently. As I read comments on my post, I felt perhaps one might picture me as the kid who embraced nature, loved getting dirty, and would bring home frogs in my pocket. You would be mistaken. My sister was that person.

When we played "Little House on the Prairie" she got to be Laura. I was Baby Carrie. Don't remember Baby Carrie? That's because she never did anything. And that's what I did. I'd tromp around with my sis for a bit, then get tired of it and go inside and read books about people who played outside and had wonderful adventures. Meanwhile, Hillary was out playing in the old corncrib, discovering the latest litter of newborn kittens, tending to birds with broken wings, and pulling up wild onions. I now realize that my sister is awesome for many reasons, including her love for nature.

When I moved to the city (if you call Fairborn, OH a city) I regretted all the time I'd wasted. I grew up on a farm where I could walk out the door and into a wonderland. I lived in a place where I had to drive to enter beauty. Like where I live now, in Louisville. But I can say that not only am I entranced with God's beauty in the outdoors now, I also try to use my time wisely when I'm indoors. I'm no saint, but I try not to spend all day on the internet--that became a lot easier when it got shut off at our house last week--hence the long time, no blog. Nick and I don't have a TV--don't think it's evil, just unnecessary. So I read, definitely don't play video games, I listen to music and sometimes write.

I love visiting my parent's farm, and I'm actually learning more about it now. I can't wait until our children can romp around on granpma and grandpa's farm and enjoy the fullness of what God's creation has to offer.

Where's the Joy in Joysticks?

2005-08-29T19:17:00.000-04:00

A couple Sundays ago, I found myself in the rotation to teach children's church. We had more kids than usual, many of which were just visiting our church for the Sunday. As we delved into the lesson about the different ways God answers prayer, I found myself wanting to curl up in a stained-glass window nook for awhile and pray God would answer my prayer for the kids to pay attention!

My biggest frustration with the kids that evening wasn't that my feelings were hurt when the kids didn't listen. I admitted I felt somewhat unprepared, and I am also not the best disciplinarian out there (I think Mom-dom is when you learn that for real) But the biggest thing that broke my heart about children's church was the content of the conversation that kept the kids from listening to the Bible lesson. The culprit? VIDEO GAMES.

I stink at video games. I remember struggling through Atari games when I was little, and then as a teen getting beat by my little brother at any game imaginable on the Play Station, errr, whatever it was. I'm one of those people who moves the controls when they play: if I want my character to jump, I make my hands jump. I'm a big goober. So maybe that's why I disliked the kids talking about video games the whole time. I know they're small. I know they have a lot of learning to do. They are not the holiest little suckers ever, and no one should expect that of them. But I could see how in their world of wizards, ninjas, gnomes, and dragons, praying to God just didn't seem to thrill them much. They rattled on, talking as if they were actually the characters in the games, like "I killed the dragon with my magic purple laser gun" and stuff like that.

Today, it seems that the latest entertainment is focused on sedentary things that take place indoors. Sure, it may promote eye/hand coordination, problem solving, quick thinking, and the like. But what children are losing out on is HUGE. A true sense of adventure, where they themselves are catching frogs, jumping off boulders into cool rivers, and swinging from vines in the forest. A true sense of imagination, where they narrate their own stories of far away lands, instead of letting someone else's imagined lands keep them from dreaming of their own.

Only a couple days after the children's church incident, as I still was mulling things over in my head, Dr. Mohler had an interesting topic on his radio show. Please read the following excerpt, and if nothing else, consider how to raise your own children so they still find wonder in the simple things: like talking to a supernatural God, and making mud pies. You can read the rest at Dr. Mohler's Blog.

Have Children Forgotten How to Play Outdoors?

Author Richard Louv believes that America's children are now suffering from a syndrome he identifies as "nature-deficit disorder." In his new book, Last Child in the Woods, Louv suggests that the current generation of American children knows the Discovery Channel better than their own backyards--and that this loss of contact with nature leads to impoverished lives and stunted imagination.

"In reality, many children have almost no contact with nature. They play indoors, focusing on electronic screens that produce an artificial experience. They are surrounded by creature comforts and watched over by anxious parents who are afraid that violent criminals are lurking behind every green tree. "Our society is teaching young people to avoid direct experience in nature," Louv observes. "That lesson is delivered in schools, families, even organizations devoted to the outdoors, and codified into the legal and regulatory structures of many of our communities."

*The "Fahr"

2005-08-22T19:12:00.000-04:00

Where in the world can you sample juicy "Pork Butt on a Stick," watch pig races, enjoy world class mullett- watching, and ride "Chang," the rollercoaster? Why the Kentucky State Fair of course!

Last year, we just buzzed in and out of the fair so we could see Switchfoot play for only $5. This year, we opted for the ultimate challenge-- to spend a whole 5 hours at the State Fair with three of our buddies.

The first step was to tour the art exhibits. We saw Lynn's Paradise Cafe's "Ugly Lamp Contest." The saddest thing about that was, alot of the lamps weren't that ugly! They looked like they belonged at Grandma's house, but they were not meant to be in an ugly lamp contest. I wish some of them were in my house, where they could be loved and appreciated! However, I had no such sympathy on the lamp that had used Q-tips glued all over it....blechhh! Then on to the photography, where we saw a picture that had been taken of some people we knew, unbeknownst to them.

Next came the pig races. An announcer and his cousin, Cletus, ran the show. The piggies were named things like "Christina HOG-ulera" "Sylvester StalLOIN" and "Jean Claude Van HAM" Haha. Anyway, it was pretty interesting. One of the great things about witnessing the races was witnessing the audience members, specifically the ways in which Kentucky parents choose to dye and cut their young children's hair! :)

Next we had some fair food- chicken and cheese sandwiches, FRIED TWINKIES, frozen lemonade, all the yummy stuff. After Lindsay and I got our wedding rings cleaned for free, we continued to wander around the indoor flea market and booths inside the expo center. After riding The Giant Wheel and getting all shook up from riding the rollercoaster, Chang (this is a silly name for a rollercoaster, I must say!) we packed our sweaty selves into the car and sped off to church.

Quite an eventful day, I must say!

*This is how you say "fair" with a southern accent! :)

the.lost.art.of.listening

2005-08-20T23:20:00.000-04:00

I have a good friend who's basically in a horrible position right now. I cannot tell you how much I could learn from this woman. Through sobs and details of her gut-wrenching story, she tells me over and over again what she does to survive: pray unceasingly. Abused by sharp words, attacked by loneliness, and wrestling with big decisions, she tells me what she read in 1 John today, and starts to cry. In a distracted manner, I try to think of what to say as mosquitoes nibble my ankles and toes as I pace outside the coffee shop. After our second conversation, I stopped trying to solve her problems and just tried to listen. I realized how difficult this was for me, and she sensed it, and told me she didn't need answers. She just needed to share. That statement was incredibly freeing to me--I didn't feel pressured to spurt out Bible verses, and to say all the things a pastor's wife is supposed to say. I sensed the Lord telling me that I was to bear her burden with her, and to listen. Neither of which is going to be easy for me, I'm sure.

I feel convicted though, of late, that I should start to be more like the people I love to be around. It probably sounds selfish, but I love people who are good listeners! I don't like being interrupted, I don't like it when people have wandering eyes in conversation, and I don't like it when I'm sharing my heart and people just try to solve all of my problems. I love it when people remember little details of my life I've told them several weeks down the road, and when they ask questions that just unravel my core and help me to discover more about myself and the Lord. I hope I can grow into this kind of person, and soon! But I guess that's where praying unceasingly comes in--that which I've seen lived out in the life of a dear friend.

Gateway Drugs: Part Deux

2005-08-12T21:34:00.000-04:00

This blog is a linkage to Nick's blog, "Kissing is Like Smoking Pot."

I want to address a little weasel called LEGALISM. You hate that word, don't you! The thing is, at the end of the day, many Christians confuse legalism with discipline. I'm sure people have said it many more eloquent ways than that, but it's true.

If you read Nick's blog, you may have thought "Drawing boundaries? That's so legalistic! There's no grace, it's all black and white." That is something that I struggled with a lot. I didn't want to be so wrapped up in not breaking our rules that I was missing the point: staying physically pure. But when we set our boundaries and stuck to them through our entire engagement, it was such a precious gift- not to give us spiritual bragging rights, because we know it was only because God sustained us that we were able to do such a thing. In the words of the great Don Whitney, "Disciplined people are holy people" (ok, that's a paraphrase.) If only I were disciplined in EVERY area of my life!

Another thing to add is that at Sojourn several weeks ago, we talked about Bible reading. Daniel was talking about how so often we fear legalism so much, we don't even try to do ANYTHING consistently, like read our Bibles. He encouraged the congregation to start a Bible reading plan and stick to it for a whole year, not switching plans or Bible studies 50 times a year.

I fear that we've become a Christian culture so afraid of legalism we won't be a disciplined, and thus holy, people.

My Day: Eventful in the Worst Kind of Way

2005-08-10T18:44:00.000-04:00

Who knew so many confrontations could occur over the course of nine hours? Things were SO INTENSE at work today. Just to let you in on a couple things, I work for a company that coordinates care for the elderly, and we hire caregivers to go to their homes. We have a lot of great caregivers, but once in awhile, we get a few BAD seeds.

Sunday I had to go work a shift because a caregiver didn't show up... well she came in today, totally clueless about her poor status with the company... and I confronted her, telling her I had to work her shift because of her irresponsibility... and she giggled and said "Yeah, that's cool, I totally forgot y'all called me about that shift!" Aye aye aye. Yeah, as you can guess, she's fired.

Two caregivers came in who went against a RIGID company policy, but I didn't have to deal with them.

Then disaster struck. A woman who had been terminated due to not showing up for a shift came for her final check. Our caregivers sign a release stating that if they do such a thing, we will deduct from their last check as a consequence. So this woman, after the deduction, got a $0 check... and SHE WAS LIVID! I told her to tone it down then got my boss... he came out, she spewed out threats, racial slurs, profanity, and mocked his name and the company, wouldn't leave the premises, and she finally got her car and drove away with even more hate leaving her lips... it was so CRAZY!

Perhaps this is such a bore to read, and some people go through stuff like this every day in their jobs... but wow, writing that really helped me get a load off.

If you think about it, pray God would bless our office with peace and help us to be a light for Christ to our caregivers--many have been through a lot of hard things and really need some love. When difficult situations come up lately, we as a staff are trying to remember the caregiver probably is going through some extremely tough times, and unfortunately, we are the brunt of their anger at the moment.

I have learned so much about the balance of Grace & Truth from working there... giving caregivers grace when they're having a rough day and are running late to work, yet still being truthful and acting as a disciplinarian at times to assure they don't walk all over you.

When It Rains It Pours...and Then Some

2005-08-05T06:47:00.000-04:00

Wowie wow wow. This week has been crazy! And the awesome things is, I'm at the blissful point where I can laugh about it instead of going bonkers! I've been debating whether or not I should list all the bad things that happened, but I'm thinking I shouldn't. I don't want to take the focus away from my God- the God of glory who reigns over creation, who always provides for us in our time of need.

At just the right time, He provided us with a house.
At just the right time, He provided us with a church to attend.
At just the right time, He provided me with a job.
At just the right time, He provided Nick with a job.
At just the right time, He provided a car.
At just the right time, He always provides for the simplest of our needs.

He will do it again!

Here's a simple little prayer I wrote a couple days ago.

AUGUST PSALM

Father, make me wise, so my eyes may see what’s true

So when I do wrong I don’t lie to myself or to you

And Father make me heartsick when it’s You I don’t obey

I don’t want to lose all you’ve taught me along the way

Father, make me humble, when I want to be the best

When I feel ignored or wronged help me to look to You and bless

And Father when I cry may I not first seek human arms

But long for your affections and your smile that unarms

Father, make me a fighter, when passivity takes control

My flesh is weak, without your meat I’ve no hope in this world

And Father when I lay down and crave an idle, comfortable bed

Help me to see it’s about You, not me, and I’ll follow you instead

Father, make me a lover, when faults become exposed

May encouraging and caressing words come out in sweetest prose

And Father make me thankful you are sovereign in all these things

In your son the Christ you’ve brought to light the example of right living

There and Back Again. . .

2005-08-01T18:49:00.000-04:00

We're back from our amazing journey to the land known as Florida. I honestly have to say I'd forgotten how beautiful it is there. We stayed in a little trailer 50 feet from the ocean-- we could hear it lying in bed, feel its delicious breeze, and see it right out our window. Here we are enjoying the breeze/being weird.
You'll never guess who's former house we're standing in front of-- the great Al Capone's! Only now it's a Ritz Carlton hotel. I think if our house doesn't sell we should turn ours into a Ritz Carlton too-- and maybe we'll consider being mobsters like good ole Al. I think that could bring in a lot of cash to support our church planting efforts!
This is a good picture of the kind and gentle folk that gather in Briny Breezes, FL. They post signs such as this outside the private pool. We were seriously worried we'd be questioned by everyone we passed as to why we were there--we had to make sure to have our guest passes with us at ALL times.

Some highlights from the trip:

-being with Nick for about 200 hrs. straight!
-hanging out with his parents
-visiting Nick's 104 yr. old great grandad and hearing his stories of building airplanes, houses, and boats, and about how he doesn't believe gravity exists
-sitting on the breezy porch reading "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" while watching the waves lap on the shore
-eating maji maji and tilapia and actually enjoying fish for the first time in my life
-seeing sharks in the shallow part of the ocean while walking on the beach
-watching a sting ray leap out of the water about 30 ft. away
-watching TV (we don't have one) -- both a highlight and a lowlight. i forgot how trashy TV can be and how MTV and VH1 hardly ever show music videos any more.
-flying over the ocean and seeing a beautiful sunrise from up in the sky
-getting a shirt at a store for $3 because there was no tag and the boss was in a good mood

i could go on forever...but i won't. we're now back to the daily grind.

2005-07-31T13:24:00.000-04:00

Here are just a couple pics from our trip to FL-- we just got back! Above you can see us on the private beach that belongs to Briny Breezes, where we stayed, and the second pic I just put up because I really like how it looks, so I'm using it purely for aesthetic enjoyment :) It's of the street sign to the street Nick's parents' trailer is on. More tidbits about the trip will come later...right now we really need to go grocery shopping!!!

Only Two More...

2005-07-21T06:27:00.000-04:00

That's right, folks...only two more days 'til we're in the big F-L-O-R-I-D-A! I'm so excited. To be honest, I don't feel like I really need a vacation right now, but I really want to spend time with Nick and with his parents, neither of which I get to see very much. And it's not so much that I'm a huge fan of the beach, but I have an itching feeling that I'm going to become one in a matter of 48 hours or so.

This week, kids have been really cracking me up. I tutored a boy, Langston, on Monday, and he was asking me all of these awesome questions about the Bible and God. Here are a couple of them:

1) If Eve wouldn't have eaten the apple, would there still be deserts?
2) Do animals have a heaven to go to, and if so is it the same as ours or do they get their own?
3) Were Adam and Eve's kids good or bad? Were their grandkids good or bad? Were their GREATgrandkids good or bad?

And on and on and on. Then the other day, I was helping a little guy, Bradley, with his reading at my house. The kid goes to the bathroom like every 10 minutes! I've never met a kid like him. Then I made him chocolate milk, and after he had gulped down half of it he says "Dad doesn't let me have sugar. But when he's not here, it's ok." So...I definitely had to put the rest of the milk in the fridge :) Oops.

I don't know if I'll be blogging while we're in Florida, but I will get some pics from our trip up when I get back...or rather, Nick will get them up. :)

A Longing

2005-07-17T09:10:00.000-04:00

I have some somewhat outlandish goals that linger in the back of my heart, tucked somewhere between my deepest fears and most painful shames. I feel like if I share on of them maybe they'll somehow spring new legs and inch toward a more prominent position inside my cardio-walls.

One of my goals is to write book. My problem is, what about? There are several topics that stir me... but there seem to be so many books out there, especially of the Christian type. There is no way I'm going to put another "self-help" book on the shelf, or another book about how special women are to God or how to be the most amazing wife ever. Some of these topics seem to be completely exhausted. I see a great need for more poetry that creates a longing for Him, glorifies Him, and that reflects the struggle of trying to live for Him...and is quality. In general, I would like to see more amazing authors who are Christians but perhaps their work doesn't necessarily only focus on "Christian" themes and topics--along the lines of C.S. Lewis and Tolkien.

I think it's pretty doubtful I'll be the next Lewis...but for now my prayer is that my pen would grow wings and that God would revive my love for and knack for writing.

My Memory Will Not Fail Me Now

2005-07-13T18:20:00.000-04:00

It's easy to forget. Who we are, who God is, and what He's done. Things we've awed at, struggled through and realized. Leafing through some old poetry, I found I wrote a few years back when I was in Washington state. Because Nick and I are going to the ocean in about a week, I thought this would be appropriate....and God's loudest whisper to me lately has been "Remember." When life is overwhelming, and when my plans aren't working out, I need to remember those special moments I've gotten a glimpse of Him. In this case, through creation.

PACIFIC BEACH 7.14.02

My toes are clean from the
saltwater grains
And things the sea
brought into view

Here, silence is substance and
I am the one who's out of place
seeking with flashlights at midnight and
disturbing rills of sand dunes

Someplace "other" is where I'm from
Understanding of the sea comes slowly and
I know only "it is wild."

I claim to know no more
Smiling into the breeze is a pasttime

It warms me as the bonfire coals.

"I'm Beautiful Inside!"

2005-07-08T18:21:00.000-04:00

"I'M BEAUTIFUL INSIDE!" screams the sign in our front lawn, pointing to our house. I must say, it makes me a little choked up when I consider the fact we're selling our cute lil' Cape Cod. But life must go on. Selling our house actually equals a lot of awesome things. Once sold, we can be closer to friends, the seminary, and our church. No more long, ardous commutes on the Watterson and Dixie Hwy. Also, we can afford for me to take classes at the seminary--that's right, student spouses are 1/2 off--and sink my teeth more so into God's word and further prepare myself for the ministry of being a pastor's wife, church planter, and someday, a mama. Plus I LOVE being in school because I'm a big nerd. Also, it'll be great to just simplify our lives a little more, have a little less responsibility and have more freedom to sculpt our schedules so they fit, rather than conflict, with one another's. I'm pretty excited, to say the least. Can't wait to watch God work all this out and guide us into the breathtaking, scary and BEAUTIFUL unknown...

On Modesty

2005-06-15T19:03:00.000-04:00

Modesty is something I've always been aware of, even if I was aware of it and still being immodest. I've never been a hussy, mind you, but I've worn my share of short shorts and t-shirts that don't quite make it to the waistline of my jeans. But being married to an honest, open, godly man reveals alot about exactly how the immodesty of women can attack the thoughts of men and engage their minds in a battle with sin.

Where I work, I interact with job applicants and our current employees daily. I'm not naive to the fact that not everyone has a heart for modesty, or even knows what it is. But when you see a little 5-year-old daughter with a mother dressed in a jumpsuit that hardly had enough material to be a sock, it breaks your heart.

Something that is even more difficult to swallow is when believing women, who seem to possess an abundance of wisdom concerning spiritual things, fail to be aware of the way their dress affects men. I don't care if you're at the beach for your honeymoon or out on the town with your hubby, other men are going to see the way you're dressed. And the fact that you're with your beloved won't matter to their eyes...a little cleavage here, a little leg there, can add up to a whole lot of thought-indulgence. Believe me, when you get married it can be much more tempting to "show off" the body when you know at least one other person is allowed to see it. But we can't forget that if you're going to a restaurant, or swimming at a crowded resort, other eyes are there that your body doesn't belong to!

One thing that helps me to be modest is to ask my hubster what he thinks of what I'm wearing. If you don't have a hubster, ask a friend who you know has high standards of modesty. And also, if you're questioning whether or not you should wear something, don't wear it. It's best to stick to the clothing you absolutely know is appropriate. This attitude and desire to be pure are glorifying the Lord and help us to bring honor to Him.

One great thing about writing this is that it holds me accountable to being modest myself!

Blessings & Oddities

2005-06-10T19:41:00.000-04:00

While I was driving home today from the coffee shop, I was thinking about all of the things I would call "affectionately strange" that can be found in Louisville, KY. This list is not comprehensive, but it nearly is.

1. Banana trees. What is up, this isn't the tropics!!!
2. Dancing, earphone-clad people advertising K-Mart sales by standing on street corners in wife beaters, holding signs.
3. The money collectors for charity organizations that back up traffic for miles....and miles....and miles....and while raising money for children have undoubtedly caused many children with no a/c to suffer from heat exhaustion as their parent's cars trudge through the traffic.
4. Who names a liquor store after a saint? (St. Andrews Liquor Store)
5. You're not cool unless you have a magnetic ribbon sticker on your car!
6. No trace of Chipotle anywhere--Qdoba is the king of Mexican and Moe's holds a weak second.
7. People get billy-clubbed in your sideyard at midnight-30!

That's all I've got. But really, I feel a sort of allegiance to Louisville. They call this place the velvet rabbithole- once you're in it, it's hard to get out of. The cost of living is cheap, and it really is a neat town, oddities and all.

Sirens, Barking, and Law Enforcement

2005-06-02T22:11:00.000-04:00

Wow, great title, huh? To see the story behind this title, I must direct you to Nick's blog-- he tells the story much better than I do. Nick's Blog

Recovering My Imagination

2005-05-25T20:27:00.000-04:00

In His patience, the Lord has slowly been drawing me back to Himself through many avenues. I'm not sure I could say I had fallen away, but I had forgotten. I had forgotten His goodness, mercy, and unfailing righteousness. And I had forgotten who He made me to be: a daughter of His who walks in gentleness, relishes all beauty, has a deep desire to create new things and transform old things, knows how to love people deeply despite their faults and how to listen for a long time and speak truth and life to everyone she encounters. And who knows how to dream.

The movie "Finding Neverland" is a great flick in which Johnny Depp brings color and imagination into the world of a widow and her children. He transforms every aspect of their lives with his ability to entertain, play, and most of all, imagine. This movie helped me to realize my own lack of creativity and imagination. Now I am reading the Chronicles of Narnia, trying to get back into playing guitar again, and letting myself soak up beautiful music (not necessarily coming from my guitar.)

I am excited to see what God will do during this time as I try to become more of who I am. Meanwhile my encouragement to you is to cultivate beauty, imagination, and creativity...for the sake of His glory!

3 A.M.

2005-05-20T19:31:00.000-04:00

The following is dedicated to my hero-stud-protector:

Nick: Britt, Britt, wake up!

Britt: (groggy voice) What, honey?!

Nick: Listen... (long, loud rumble of thunder) Do you think we should go to the basement? I
think it's a tornado.

Britt: Freight trains. Tornadoes sound like freight trains. That doesn't.

(rumble of thunder stops)

Nick: Oh, I guess it wasn't.

Britt: Good night, honey. I love you. Thanks for waking me up.

(sleep ensues)

Judging A Book By Its Cover

2005-05-18T18:10:00.000-04:00

Monday I went to Borders to browse the book titles, and also drool over the hundreds of books I wish to have in my possession (along with the time to actually READ them.) I just had to look at the Bible section and see what was going on over there. I can't say I was actually surprised by what I found, but it made me smad (sad + mad). Here are a few of my sightings:

-A rendition titled "The Story," a conglomeration of Bible chapters chosen to be the most "important" and put in the form of a novel. The back of it read somewhat like this: "Sick of reading the Bible and having to wade through pages of endless rattling about geneaologies? Check this out- we just included the GOOD stuff!"
-A TNIV Bible (I believe it's gender neutral...I forget) advertised as having a 'European Leather' cover that was also lime green snakeskin. It looked like it should be a purse at Dillard's (sorry, maybe I just have an aversion to fashion Bibles... not sure if they're actually evil, but the gender neutral thing?! Aye aye aye!)
- A good mix of Bibles that don't say they're Bibles on the outside. I don't know if I'm just too traditional or what, but most books say what books they are, right?
-Theme Bibles. 'The Combat Bible', 'The Adventure Bible' or books such as 'The Story', etc. that don't openly say 'Bible' in their title... or the MAGAZINE BIBLE! Have you seen it?! It's a Bible that looks like a magazine for teenage girls!

Strange! Is this from Christians trying to be seeker-friendly, unconventional or just plain sucked into worldly marketing tactics?

Art and its "Elusive Allusivity"

2005-04-25T21:55:00.000-04:00

The Lord is currently using a book, "Art & Soul" by Hilary Brand and Adrienne Chaplin to inspire, encourage, and inform me. This beautiful little gem arrived in my hands by way of Nick, and it has seldom left my hands since. I feel like I am slowly beginning to see through "new eyes" and awaken out of my writer's block/artist's block/frustration with my own creativity.

One of many portions in this book that was particularly transforming was the portion on art's "elusive allusivity", cleverly coined by the authors. After describing the difficulties and dangers of defining what art is, they paraphrase Calvin Seerveld by saying

"Art can never be, and never has been, simply recording, or a painting using photorealist techniques, what makes it art is that it carries with it this quality of allusion. It suggests, or hints at, something beyond itself. It depicts subject-matter as experienced."

They go on to say " if we take allusiveness as our defining factor, we can now begin to see why Christians can sometimes produce such bad art. On an urgent quest to present a message, the tendency can be to dive immediately for a specific symbol, metaphor or allegory as a vehicle for literal meaning."

So true. In my own experience, the very root of my artistic frustration is the striving to force people to "get" my art. I find it difficult to write a poem of of pain or sadness without tying it up with the "well, everything's not really as bad as it seems because Christ saved me and now everything is wonderful" bow. Or, that if I paint a picture that doesn't portray a sunny subject or an obvious religious symbol like a cross, my work is meaningless and godless. Sadly, for too long, I have been been missing the inclusion of art's most valuable and defining trait: that of being allusive.

Christian art, song, poetry, etc. as a whole needs to strive to go deeper into the core of the people who experience it. Give them something to chomp on, wrestle with, play with, be curious about, and appreciate. This striving and searching is what Jesus longed to produce in people by asking his seemingly misplaced and abrasive questions instead of giving clear-cut answers.

Prayerfully, we will wake up and allusivity will no longer be elusive to believers in Christ in their art.

Crabb's Vocab

2005-04-16T23:12:00.000-04:00

If you had the God-given patience to read our travel blog about our trip to Seattle, you know that we attended a "Reach the Heart Experience" seminar there where Dr. Larry Crabb spoke. I really connected with a word that he kept using --"stirred."

The word "stirred" allows me to be general about how I'm feeling about a situation, person, heart condition, interaction, etc. while still making it clear to others that whatever it was made a deep impact on me. The great thing about the word "stirred" is that is can be either positive or negative, showing deep sadness, reflection, joy, encouragement, etc.

Since my discovery of this word, I haven't necessarily used it often, but I've thought about it often. I'm trying to be better about being reflective and more aware of the condition of my soul, heart, body, and relationships, and the things that do stir me. I'd like to think more deeply about why certain things stir me. Here's a little list of some things that have stirred me lately:

1. The movie "Hotel Rwanda"

2. The song "Long Ride Home" by Patty Griffin

3. Seeing tons of women dressing immodestly in the warm weather

4. The poem "The Only Animal" by Franz Wright

5. The thought of moving out of our house

6. Unsettling, vivid dreams I've been having

7. Deut. 7:7-11; God's love for and covenant with His people

Audible Sigh

2005-04-01T12:39:00.000-05:00

I think my title well-describes what this week has been like for Nick and I, even though I stole it from a Bill Malonee song. So many things have happened, good and bad, but I think we are finally edging towards peace in God's plan.

Nick is going through a job change (the details of which I will spare), his mother is dealing with some changes in her health, we are about to either rent out or sell our adorable but far-away-from-everything house, I am thinking about going to seminary, and we are leaving Wednesday for a week to go through the interviewing process with the North American Missions Board in Seattle. All of this has been alot to bear.

In many ways, things for us were going so good for so long, that my heart had become very hard and avoidant of God, that I can already see how He is using this to bring me back to Him. I have been reading in Hebrews about becoming more mature in Him, and I have definitely been sucking on milk for about 8 months or so. Time to move on, sista! I have also been very comforted by the music of Patty Griffin (thanks to Nikki) during this time...it's odd how a little bit of sad music ("Long Ride Home") can cheer you up. :)

There's my update. Sorry I didn't write anything interesting enough to start some kind of blog revolution.

I Am...The Karate Kid!

2005-03-14T20:07:00.000-05:00

Perhaps this all stems from watching weekend marathons of Alias episodes with Nick? Whatever causes it, every few nights in my sleep, I become...the karate kid!

Nick is my witness. Last night he suffered terrible bouts of anti-sleep all because I was experiencing what I like to call "interactive dreaming." Oh yes, I kick my legs while on my back, I kick my legs while on my stomach, I kick sideways, thus kicking Nick. What is wrong with me?!?! A couple times in the night, Nick said my name and woke me up to keep me from having another lower-body spaz session. The second time he did, he woke me in the middle of a dream I was having about the invention of baseball with a cartoon character present. When he asked, "Britt, what are you doing?!?!" I matter-of-factly replied "I'm playing baseball!" and fell back asleep.

Weird. And I am sore today, too from all of this. It's pretty sad.

Am I a Femi-Nazi or Do I Just Love Justice?

2005-03-09T07:56:00.000-05:00

A message concerning my zero-tolerance stance on men who flirt with married women:

One of my dear friends was subbing at a local school, an all-boys school, and meanwhile her door was open and the teacher across the hall was teaching his class. She noticed him looking over a few times but kept right on teaching. Well this teacher sent one of his students over to tell my MARRIED friend that he (the teacher) she had a pretty smile and that he had been watching her all day!

Okay, can you say UNPROFESSIONAL! That made me SO angry.
1. My friend is very married.
2. That guy was way outta line and did I say UNPROFESSIONAL.
3. This is in the middle of the school day, and Mr. Teacher Man interrupted both his class and my friend's because of his little love fantasy.
4. SICK!

Anyway, when my friend was telling me this I noticed I got really perturbed about it. I guess there are the "He didn't know she was married" or the "He's not a believer and can't be held to the standards of one" remarks, but common sense, morality, and professionalism knock those down on the ground. I think too there are so many teachers out there who are much more professional and moral that deserve HIS job. Now I know why at the sub orientation for the public schools, they spend an hour talking about sexual harassment! Thank goodness the only sexual "harassment" I have to deal with at work is from Nick! ;)

Anyway, I highly recommended she report this guy to the school authorities, and she considered it and eventually did.

And I hope he gets fired or at least publicly shamed.

So, my conclusion is: I love justice, and I love that it's the Lord's. Let's wait and see what He does in this situation.

Casting Anxieties

2005-03-02T15:45:00.000-05:00

This is a great sermon- I feel like this is exactly where I'm at right now. Check it out!

http://www.desiringgod.org/library/sermons/93/061393.html

The Christian Education Dilemma

2005-02-24T12:42:00.000-05:00

For a moment, use your imagination to believe you are the following...

-a Christian (doesn't require too much imagination for some)
-a married person
-a parent who has almost-school-aged children
-a parent who really cares about their children's education.

Now stop. How are you going to educate your children?

There seem to be trends in how Christians decide to educate their children. They decide to send them to a Christian school, a public school, or to home school them. Which do you think is best for the children?

Obviously I am thinking about things in advance, and no, I'm not pregnant. Just curious.

Here are some characteristics of each. Christian schools will most likely teach classes with a biblical worldview and the students will most likely all come from Christian families. Therefore, there will be less significant discipline problems and "bad influences." The teachers will be Christians who are there, hopefully, to really invest in your child.

Public schools are not quite as desirable. Your child may be taught evolution, or taught how to smoke weed, or taught sex education instead of abstinence. However, they may be a light to those around him or her who don't know anything about Christ. They may be spurred on to study their Bibles more so they can discuss issues with non-Christian friends.

Home-schooling is the other option. A parent can control everything that is taught to their children because they teach them. The downside is, the child is at home alot, and unless much effort is made everyone's part, the child may be sheltered and backward when around other children. However, the children can accelerate at their own learning rate and not have to wait on their other classmates. Or if they are needy, they can get special attention.

I haven't read thousands of articles about this issue, but I will say Nick and I are leaning towards putting our kids in public schools. I grew up in public schools, and he in private. I see a deep need for kids who are Christians to reach out to those around them, and to be lights for Christ in their schools. Of course, I had a wonderful experience in public schools, having been surrounded with great Christian friends who encouraged me and each other. I feel that it is the strong biblical principles taught by the parents at home that should safeguard children when they're at a school full of non-Christians. It is a good preparation for the "real world" in my eyes, making them very culturally aware, resilient children.

A Few Minutes with a Psychic Handwriting Analyst

2005-02-22T12:38:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, one of my favorite people came into the office. I was the one who called her references, interviewed her, and hired her as a caregiver. Whenever I ask how she's doing, she always replies, "Wonderful, like you!" She is so cute!
I know only a couple of things about her--she is a hypnotherapist, former psychology professor, and handwriting analyst.
Yesterday she came into the office and analyzed a co-worker's handwriting. When she came back downstairs, she asked to analyze mine. I was very intrigued by this and figured it was a harmless enough thing to do. On a sheet of notebook paper, I was asked to write the following:

"Now's the time for all good men and women to come to the aid of their party."

And then I signed my name.
Within a couple minutes, this woman spewed out several of my attributes that could be deciphered from my handwriting. For the most part, they were true. Some things were encouraging, some were convicting. Here are the things she said:
I.....

-don't like details
-am persistent
-am sometimes direct, and sometimes it takes me awhile to get around to the point
-need autonomy ( I probably need a job where I can be the boss....woohoo!!!!)
-am defiant to authority (don't really see that one)
-am generous, willing to work overtime if needed
-spread myself too thin
-underestimate my capabilities
-have a good imagination
-am diplomatic
-like activity, being busy
-am too good for the job I have now (interesting....)

Then in the middle of all this, she says, "Oh, and I'm also a psychic and I don't see you being in this job much longer. I see you going back to school and broadening your opportunities."
Okay, okay, the handwriting analysis: cool. Interesting. I would say, fairly harmless if taken with a grain of salt. But the psychic part! That was somewhat surprising. I mean hypnotherapist and psychic can easily go hand-in-hand. But definitely not cool. Just dark. So I tried to process my interaction with her by asking myself "How could Satan have used this to pull me away from Christ?" and "How could Christ have used this to pull me closer to Him?"

Satan could have used this:
-to try to get me to believe things about myself that really aren't true
-to try to get me to selfishly demand going back to school and thus not supporting my husband
-to try to get me to stop showing the love of Christ to my psychic friend
-to try to convince me that the world of darkness is more interesting and exciting than the world of light

God could have used this:
-to give me compassion for my lost friend
-to remember He is the only one who knows my true future
-to remember to seek His knowledge which is pure and good, rather than that of darkness
-to perhaps better understand why people are attracted to non-biblical meditation, witchcraft, psychics, palm readers, etc.

I suppose I may never really know. And I don't think it's healthy to strangle situations/interactions for meaning, but just reflecting and trying to understand the workings of God is very worthwhile, no matter how few conclusions are reached.

Ode to Kentucky Drivers

2005-02-18T12:17:00.000-05:00

Oh Kentucky, you ought not drive,
I think you'd rather swerve than stay between the lines,

Though I try my darndest to not to point fingers,
Visions of seeing twenty accidents a day still linger,

And the broken down cars that litter the edges of 264?
I've never seen cars remain on the burm for 3 weeks before!

I get honked at every time I slow down to turn,
(Taking curves at speedy rates is not something I've yet learned)

And hey, at green lights, right turns have rightaway,
So, left-turners, save your stupid antics for some other state,

I'll never forget the week I got cussed at for turning into my drive,
Maybe next time I won't just so I can stay alive,

And perhaps I am a little pertubed that my first fender-bender was here,
But hey, try to drive using your brains for at least three more years!

My Screwy View of Humility

2005-02-17T09:32:00.001-05:00

The most poignant quote from C.S. Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters", in my mind, is the following. In it the elder demon, Screwtape, tells his pupil demon, Wormwood about humanity's ill view of humility:

I see only one thing to do at the moment. Your patient has become humble. Have you drawn his attention to the fact? All virtues are less formidable to us once the man is aware that he has them. But this is specially true of humility. You must, therefore, conceal from the patient, the true end of humility. Let him think of it, not as self-forgetfulness, but as a certain kind of opinion (namely, a low opinion) of his own talents and character. Some talents, I gather, he really has. Fix in his mind the idea that humility consists in trying to believe those talents to be less valuable than he believes them to be. No doubt, they are less valuable than he believes. But that is not the point. The great thing is to make him value an opinion for some quality other than truth. Thus, introducing an element of dishonesty and make-believe into the heart of what otherwise threatens to become a virtue. By this method, thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe that they are ugly, and clever men trying to believe they are fools. The Enemy wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it, than he would be if he if it had been done by another. The Enemy wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favor that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbor’s talents.

For years, I thought this was humility: to deny I had any talent whatsoever, any skill, or any attractive quality or at least have a low opinion of what I knew I had. When people complimented me, I shuffled my feet and denied it. Okay, okay, to be totally honest, this is what I'm like today too. Just imagine the suffering and anguish I going through having the most verbally complimentive husband on the face of the planet! "Brittany, you're the most naturally beautiful woman in the world"-"No, I'm not, you're crazy!!!!!!!!!" "You're such a talented poet"-"No, be quiet, you're embarassing me!!!!!" I still don't know what to say or do when he says stuff like that. Oy. Probably the best/most biblical thing I could say would be "Thanks, if you appreciate anything about me, it's because of how the Lord has gifted me, and I take no credit." But sometimes it's just easier to shuffle my feet. Maybe I'm just too lazy to say that mouthful.

But anyway, I hope that quote encourages/convicts you. We all have gifts and talents and must be ready to give credit where credit is due. If we deny we have these things, then we are saying God has not gifted us, and that's a lie from the pit of hell! So instead, the best thing we can offer is thanks to God for what He's done in our feeble, mortal bodies for this is right and good.

I would love to hear what anyone has learned about humility or is currently learning. I'm going to get back to my leftover Vietnamese food- yum!

Meditation Belongs to the Lord

2005-02-17T09:32:00.000-05:00

In Nick's pastoral care class, he's about to learn about ways to meditate. You just cringed, didn't you?! I saw you! If you're a Christian, the word meditate makes you get the willies! Why is that? Well, in our modern American culture, we see meditation as belonging to all things holistic health, spiritual darkness, black magic, witchcraft, demonic, whatever...instead of belonging to God. Unlike most things in Christian culture, we actually beat the world to the punch on this one! God and his followers of the Bible all encouraged meditation on God and his word-

"When I remember you on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy." Psalm 63:6-7

"O how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day!" Psalm 119:97

"Let my meditation be pleasing to Him; as for me, I shall be glad in the Lord." Psalm 104:34

It's sad that when we hear the word "meditate" the first thing we think of is yoga or other activities when participators are encouraged to empty their minds. Thankfully, as Christians, we are encouraged to fill our minds with the things of Christ- the Bible, prayer and petition, the attributes of God, etc. We have so many amazing, mind-boggling things to ponder about and think on. Let me be clear. The first step of secular mediation would be to make your mind blank. The next steps would vary depending on who you ask, but one I hear often is that one should try to find his or her 'spirit guide.' Sadly, many people depend on their 'spirit guides' for creativity instead of recognizing God as the master creator. Therefore, they become hooked on this meditation deeply rooted in demonic activity.

Last night at a friend's house, Nick and I were admiring a fascinating painting done by our friend's friend. We learned that this friend is very reliant on some sort of demonic spirit for his creativity, and does not have a desire to break free from him, because he doesn't seem to feel like he's in bondage. It reminded me of the book, "The Beautiful Side of Evil" in which a woman who later becomes a Christian had a 'spirit guide' help her perform surgeries on patients.

Anyway, I felt convicted that this amazing artist probably spends much more time a day with this dark, creative, spirit than I do with my God and Master Creator. He is the Light and the pure one who beckons us to think on Him and to meditate on His goodness throughout the day, and thankfully, true meditation was created by and belongs to Him.