Yesterday was my last day of work. The place where I worked was pretty great--my bosses, co-workers, my job doing editorial work, etc., all of it. I've wanted to be a full-time wife and mother pretty much my whole life, but I felt myself becoming apprehensive about my last day. As I continued to reflect on the possibilities of why I felt hesitant instead of joyful, I realized I cared way too much what others thought of me.
This discovery isn't much of anything new or surprising. I've struggled with people-pleasing for an eternity, and this is just one more way my desire to please others has fleshed itself out in my life. I'm blessed to have family and friends that support my decision to be a stay-at-home mom, and those people are my ultimate support system. So why was I so quick to listen to comments other people at work made concerning my decision? Why was I so quick to read into their facial expressions, particularly their questioning eyes, that inquired- "How in the world can you stay home when your husband's still in grad school?" and "Why would you want to stay home? That's boring." My favorite question was verbal "So, you're just going to be a stay-at-home mom?" like I'm going to be sitting on the couch eating ice cream and watching Oprah all day instead of being a caring, diapering, comforting, nursing, cleaning, errand-running, Christ-loving, husband-loving, baby-loving mom. The word JUST packs a punch in that one.
But through all the comments and implied comments, I didn't really feel angry towards these people, because they are a product of our culture, a culture that generally doesn't value stay-at-home motherhood. And also I realized I need to work on my response to people I disagree with, and be confidently counter-cultural. I especially need to develop thicker skin, as it seems like the Lord continues to call Nick and I to do things that are not culturally acceptable. I want to be tough, yet have a tender heart, and I know that is something only Christ can do in me.
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4 comments:
I totally think you are tough with a tender heart!
The fruit from you staying at home will shine forth. It may not be until our baby is 20 but you can teach, love, and build him up in the faith. I'm so blessed that you want to take care of our child full-time!
Brittany, I love your decision, and I think it will truly honor your husband and your baby (whatever his name may be...).
LB
Amen sister! I have heard it all from others who just don't get my decision to stay home "even though I have a masters." Anyway, as you'll find out, it's probably harder than any other job and much more rewarding. I am here for you when you need it during this time of transition.
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